The Biggest Secret to JOY — Are You Missing It?
How choosing joy in hard seasons, serving others, and small daily practices can reignite hope and peace.
You are not broken beyond repair — joy can follow you through the crack.
This Post is for You
This is for the one holding back tears in the grocery store line. The one scrolling late at night, feeling like joy belongs to everyone else. You, sweet soul, who wonders if joy is still possible for you.
Let me say this clearly: JOY is not reserved for the lucky or the healed. It’s not about pretending everything is fine. It’s a deep, resilient sense of meaning that can exist alongside pain.
Joy (defined here as a durable, spiritual, and often unexpected sense of inner light) is not constant happiness. It’s deeper than that. Rooted in purpose, gratitude, and connection, joy is not the absence of struggle. It’s the ability to feel anchored in the storm.
This post is your pocket-sized guide to navigating tough seasons with hope. You’ll find real tools, inspiring quotes, soul-nourishing books, and steps you can actually do. We’ll explore joy through three lenses: daily rituals, reflection, and serving others. Let’s dive in.
Choose Small Rituals That Anchor You
When the ground shifts beneath your feet, tiny anchors keep you standing. Could five minutes a day change everything?
Small, consistent rituals and steady, simple routines provide the foundation for lasting joy.
When life feels chaotic, we instinctively wait for a big fix. A job change. A new relationship. A magical break. But the truth? In hard seasons, the first thing we lose is our rhythm. And without it, our days feel untethered. Our brains crave familiarity and grounding.
Here’s the secret: Joy often lives in the small, sacred acts we repeat. A slow sip of tea before sunrise. A whispered prayer before sleep. A three-minute breath in the car. Listening to music that personally helps you—whether it’s an uplifting song, a calming melody, or something that brings you comfort—can also be a powerful anchor. These aren’t just nice ideas or comforting thoughts — they serve as vital lifelines for your brain.
Want a place to start? Try this:
- One breath-based moment (inhale deeply for 4, exhale for 6)
- One tiny creative act (doodle, voice memo, one line in a journal)
- One act of kindness to yourself (drink water, stretch your body, put your phone down)
Pair them with habits you already have waiting for tea to steep, brushing your teeth, getting into bed. Let them anchor your nervous system.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown reminds us that vulnerability isn’t grand gestures — it’s small, brave acts. James Clear, in Atomic Habits, teaches us that tiny changes stack into transformation. Five minutes. That’s your new superpower.
You don’t need to overhaul your life to access joy. You need to show up. Five minutes at a time. Because consistency, not perfection, is where joy grows.
Reframe Suffering with Reflection and Meaning
Can pain become a compass? Reflection is the bridge from suffering to purpose. What if your struggle could teach you how to live differently?
Reflection is not rumination — it’s the art of asking better questions.
Let’s be honest. Pain makes us spiral. Our brains get stuck in the “why me” cycle. It shrinks our perspective and leaves no room for hope. But what if instead of escaping pain, we gave it a seat at the table?
Reflection doesn’t mean marinating in misery. It means sitting beside your pain with curiosity. Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, taught that meaning — not comfort — is what keeps us going in dark seasons. Asking “What is this teaching me?” cracks open the door to resilience.
Try these reflection prompts each week:
- What did today teach me?
- Where did I see kindness?
- How did I show myself compassion?
Keep your answers short. Bullet points. No pressure. The point isn’t to write a novel — it’s to create a mirror for your growth.
Need some soul food? The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu is pure gold. It reminds us that suffering doesn’t disqualify joy — it deepens it.
Reflection doesn’t erase pain. It gives pain a purpose. And in that space, joy often shows up quietly. First as a whisper. Then, as a song.
Serve Others to Reclaim Perspective and Purpose
Helping someone else can be medicine for your own soul. Honestly, I have found that serving others is the shortest route back to joy!
The act of giving restores what pain tries to take away: your sense of usefulness and connection.
Let’s be real: when life falls apart, isolation feels easier. You hide. You scroll. You think, “I can’t help anyone when I’m barely functioning.”
But here’s the secret no one tells you: one of the fastest ways to feel better is to lift someone else up.
You don’t need a grand plan. Start small:
- Volunteer one hour at a local food bank
- Write a note to someone going through a tough time
- Call a friend and just listen
When you step into someone else’s world, your own pain gets reframed, not erased. You remember you’re part of something bigger.
Anne Frank said it best: “No one has ever become poor by giving.” And Peter Singer’s The Life You Can Save backs this up — giving activates empathy, connection, and healing.
Personally? Volunteering at our local foodbanks, has been one of the most grounding experiences of my life. There’s something powerful about seeing people facing hardship who are still laughing, still hopeful. It pulls me out of my own head and reminds me of our shared humanity.
This year, America’s Favorite Couples competition, we raised almost two million dollars for the LA Regional Food Bank—helping provide meals to families in need. We also raised an equal amount for Oceana, supporting vital work to protect and restore our oceans! These acts of service—whether close to home or for the health of our planet—remind me that we truly can make a difference when we come together!
Volunteering with Ballet West, a professional ballet company, and supporting arts organizations has brought me an unexpected sense of joy. Being surrounded by the creativity, grace, and dedication of dancers and musicians is truly uplifting. Each experience reminds me how art has the power to ignite joy and nourish the human spirit.
In the past, as a paralegal, I volunteered with the Rocky Mountain Innocence Center, supporting individuals who were wrongfully convicted. Walking alongside people as they fight for justice has deepened my empathy and strengthened my belief in the power of hope, even in the darkest circumstances.
These experiences have taught me this: when we serve others, we reconnect to what really matters—and joy has a beautiful way of meeting us there.
Service doesn’t shrink your pain — it stretches your perspective. And that shift creates space for joy.
Practical Tools to Make Joy a Habit
- Gratitude practice on repeat: Every night, jot down 3 things that made you smile. Science backs this up: it literally rewires your brain.
- Self-care sips: A short walk, sunlight on your face, a bath to wash the day away, a few tech-free hours, a sip of tea. It matters.
- Check-ins with your people: Weekly friend calls. Support circles. You are not meant to carry it all alone.
- Cut media that cuts you down: Curate your feed. Follow hope. Unfollow comparison.
Books that hug your soul:
- Man’s Search for Meaning — Viktor Frankl
A timeless reminder that even in suffering, we can choose our response—and find meaning. - The Book of Joy — Dalai Lama & Desmond Tutu
A heartwarming dialogue between two spiritual giants on cultivating joy even through pain. - Daring Greatly — Brené Brown
A powerful look at vulnerability as the birthplace of courage, connection, and yes—joy. - Atomic Habits — James Clear
A practical, step-by-step guide to making small changes that lead to big transformation. - The Life You Can Save — Peter Singer
An inspiring challenge to rethink generosity and see how everyday giving can change lives.
Quotes to tape to your mirror:
“Joy does not simply happen to us. We must choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” — Henri J.M. Nouwen
“In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer.” — Albert Camus
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” — Mahatma Gandhi
A Real-Life Joy Shift
Sarah lost her job and felt like she lost her identity. She started simple: a two-minute morning journal. A weekly walk to volunteer at a local pantry. Reading The Book of Joy before bed. She didn’t feel a spark overnight. But over time, her anxiety softened. Her sleep improved. Her laughter returned.
Her circumstances didn’t magically resolve. But joy returned as a steady presence. A quiet friend walking beside her.
The Invitation: Will You Take One Small Step?
Joy is not a destination reserved for the fortunate; it’s a courageous practice available to you today.
You don’t have to be “fixed” to feel joy. You can start while still healing. Choose one micro-ritual. One reflection prompt. One small act of service. Do it this week.
Notice what shifts.
If this post helped, send it to a friend who needs a flicker of hope. Better yet — tell me: what’s one step you’re willing to try? Share with me in secondchanceonlove.com.
Joy isn’t elusive. It’s just patient. Waiting for your small yes.
You’ve got this.
Follow-Up Questions:
- What’s the difference between joy and constant happiness?
- How do small rituals affect mental health and resilience?
- Why does reflection create meaning from pain?
- How can volunteering help with healing?
- What books help build lasting joy?
Tag your answers. Share your story. Let’s make joy contagious.
Love, Jennie
